God Is Doing Something New- Genesis 37

Reader, be warned, these are the kind of dreams that clear the way for uncharted territory. They get down into the parts of you that you didn’t know were there. These are the kind of dreams that require surrender and submission to refinement. They mean emotional storms and broken hearts and great turmoil. You will need to surrender your baby dreams to the One who can mature them.

Sometimes a dream will fall into your inbox quite by accident- but really, this is Providence. And other times, dreams will follow you into your sleep quite intentionally- because God is doing something new.

Truth be told, I am no better than my ancestors- I dream threatening dreams full of foreboding joy, ones which require the shedding of past loves and the pursuit of offensive transformation. Dreams which build solid foundations right over top of the crumbled remains of failure, dreams which are sturdy enough to withstand all future storms. The sand is not rejected- it is remade, hardened into thick and solid glass by the intense blaze of refining fire.

This is the way of Kingdom victory.

It’s time for new dreams.

It’s time to choose your future.

I am leaving my two brothers behind me now, the ones I have walked with through an important time of learning. I cherish the time I spent with them in Genesis 27-33, because they taught me so much. They have been my teachers of hard lessons- forgiveness, failure, redemption and conflict. I owe so much to these broken brothers of the past, because our stories are so similar and our paths are forever connected through the refining work of the Spirit, weaving our stories together with divine expertise.

But now it’s time to let go, it’s time to move forward. I am called to embark on a new journey- it’s time to walk with Joseph.

We will choose to let God do something new- the future is unfolding now.

It begins in the pit of silence and solitude. Depression is God’s gift to the body when it’s time to slow down. No, not the clinical kind that needs medical attention and medication- that’s a different thing entirely. I mean the semi-depressed state you fall into after the adrenaline of your epic success or astronomical failure wears off. This is when the fight comes to an end and your breath slows and you have nothing left to do with your hands, so you pick up your ball and go home.

Sometimes the adrenaline can run on for months and months afterwards, and then one day the smallest unexpected bit of finality brings the great let-down which lays you low. And this is the blessing- the body does not trust the judgement of the mind, rightfully so, and it imposes rest upon it. Here in this place of couches, beds, pillows, blankets, floors, park benches, pews, empty rooms and kitchen chairs there is a whole new world of opportunity- this is the place of slowing down.

 This is the place where dreams are made.

It’s time to choose something new.

During a time like this my ancestors in Scripture sometimes run into the wilderness and sit down under broom trees, praying for the end to come and sleeping for days on end while angels minister to their desperate hunger and thirst. Others are plunged into lions dens or a dark desert well or a prision cell to wait for Providence to rewrite their story.

As for me, I do not need anything so dramatic- I simply find a spot on the carpet where the sun shines through the window and makes a large checker-square of light on the floor. I sit down on my knees, there under the light, becoming so small, and I bow my head and pull my dark green prayer shawl over myself. I am surrounded by a glowing shade of greenish light. The warmth is a nurturing embrace, welcoming me into the soft rays of peace and rest.

 The adrenaline of strife has drained away- this is the resting place. This is something new.

Angels minister to my needs as I glow there under the refining light. Sand is hardened into thick glass.

This is the place where new dreaming takes place, here in the warm embrace of the Son.

God has been interacting with me during the healing process, responding to my journey in ways that reveal He is close during my time of need. When Cain was filled with shame, so was I. When Hagar was revered for her controversial story, so was I. When Esau wept at the feet of his superiors, so did I. When Jacob injured his hip wrestling with God, so did I. And this week is no different.

As Joseph dreams, so do I.

Indeed, God has given me a dream this week which has blazed light onto the sandy foundation of my shifting expectations. This dream reminded me that my past keeps me humble, but never disqualified. Quite the opposite- I get to choose how God sees me now, as a broken victim or a redeemed and honored child of the King.

It’s a real dream, not a made-up story. It came to me quite by accident, on precisely the perfect night, because the prophetic movement of God is seldom early but never too late. I will share half of it now and half of it later, with the dream of Joseph set down right in the middle-

I was in the backseat of a car with an older female driver and passenger- they were the guardians of my future- angels perhaps? Kind but serious and wise beings with the logic of reason and the influence of decision- we were house-hunting together. We were looking for the perfect location for my new ministry. I was a teacher of the Scriptures and I needed a place to give my leadership a home. I would be teaching children, and I needed a location to make this plan a reality.

I needed a safe place to rebuild my dream.

We drove up and down the coastline of California, looking for just the right spot. Problem was, there was a violent storm. Most of the beach was thrashed by wind and waves. Every potential seaside location was too dangerous. And it had to be a shoreline location, right by the water- this was a non-negotiable for all of us.

But as we drove, silently observing the damaging effects of the storm, we came around a bend where one small strip of sand was completely protected by a long, tall jetty covered with big, old shade trees. It created a harbor, a safe haven, a place of solitude and safety. The storm had not touched this small strip of sand.

 We all looked at one another and nodded in agreement. This was it.

This was the perfect place to build a foundation- it would be protected from the storm. Here I would begin to rebuild my ministry of leadership. My dream would have a home.

But it was with foreboding joy that I thought of rebuilding my ministry upon the sand- in the past this had ruined me. So there would be much work to do in preparation, in order to lay a foundation upon this place. Sand would need to be refined and made firm, or my building would be in vain. Although it was protected by the storm, it was still exposed to the expanse of the rolling sea and the tides of change.

Yes, there was much work to be done.

And so my guardians turned the car around and they marked the little stretch of beach on a map so that we could return with the tools, support and the Help we would need to begin. And we started the long drive back down the coast, retracing our path through the storm. I pressed my face to the window and gazed out at the wind and waves- the haven of safety was small but it looked so full of hope and potential, so that I am was longer discouraged by the raging weather.

And just as we came around the bend, as the new location moved out of sight, I saw a tiny home all by itself on the other side of the jetty, on the exposed portion of the beach. It was being pounded by waves and appears to be completely endangered by the storm. It is clearly going to be destroyed very soon.

 I watched it as long as I could. I look very closely, curious. And inside the window I saw a Man writing something at the kitchen table, totally engrossed in His work and unconcerned, totally unaffected by the chaos all around the little house. I wondered at His concentration.

I recognize the baby in the highchair next to him. I have seen this baby before, in my nightmares, in my dreams, and for the tiny tribe of readers that have followed me from the beginning of my story, you will recall this infant child…

Sometimes eternal promise looks like a bad dream which is actually the generous and loving intention of the universe. A dream can help the mind bring closure to an otherwise impossible reality.

It’s time for new dreams-

I declare that this is closure.

God, I invite Your Spirit to do something new.

I have come to Genesis 37 now, to dream with my brother Joseph. And be warned, these are the kind of dreams that clear the way for uncharted territory. They require storms and broken hearts, trust and great danger. We will have to make peace with lost and damaged things- He takes it all. We will have to surrender our baby dreams to Him for safekeeping.

We rest now in the waiting because we will soon be working hard in the toil of transformation.

These dreams will leave the sleeper forever changed.

This is our story.

² This is the account of Jacob and his family. When Joseph was seventeen years old, he often tended his father’s flocks. He worked for his half-brothers, the sons of his father’s wives Bilhah and Zilpah. But Joseph reported to his father some of the bad things his brothers were doing.

Right away you see that Joseph does not fit in. Instead of joining the group, he stands off to the side and judges it. Right or wrong, (and mostly right!) this judgement does him no favors. It will earn him hostile excommunication from the people he called family. He has no filter, and he will pay.

His emotional intelligence is still so immature- my brother and I have so much to learn before we can achieve our dreams. The refinement is only beginning. The baby stages of faith are when we toddle towards danger without any idea it’s there. This is the opposite of vulnerability- it’s stupidity.

I am with you, Joseph. Me too, brother. There is so much shame in this place, because we are young and dumb and full of longing.

³ Jacob^[a] loved Joseph more than any of his other children because Joseph had been born to him in his old age. So one day Jacob had a special gift made for Joseph—a beautiful robe.^[b] 4 But his brothers hated Joseph because their father loved him more than the rest of them. They couldn’t say a kind word to him.

Have you ever found yourself completely alone in a crowd of familiar faces? This can happen when we do not fit in and we become hyper-sensitive to it for the first time- for any reason, really. In this case it can happen when something you cherish becomes offensive to people- maybe it’s a coat of many colors, maybe it’s a baby you want to save, or perhaps it’s a confession that nobody understands. It is something which symbolizes your difference from everyone else, a stigma that you cannot bring yourself to deny or discard. It is the place of vulnerability, and when we are still immature we don’t understand the danger of storms, the surrender of baby dreams, and so we build castles in the sand.

When we flaunt our coats of many dreams, it puts distance between ourselves and our community. 

Right or wrong (and mostly right) because we are emotionally immature and our judgement is inhibited by our ignorance. We are just babies with no concept of hard work, patience or restraint.

We lack the proper perspective which only the Dream-writer can give. We lack the safety of wisdom.

⁵ One night Joseph had a dream, and when he told his brothers about it, they hated him more than ever. ⁶ “Listen to this dream,” he said. ⁷ “We were out in the field, tying up bundles of grain. Suddenly my bundle stood up, and your bundles all gathered around and bowed low before mine!”

How stupid of us to think we could say such a thing out loud.

But it cannot be taken back now- and once spoken it unleashes the power of stupid words upon our head.

⁸ His brothers responded, “So you think you will be our king, do you? Do you actually think you will reign over us?” And they hated him all the more because of his dreams and the way he talked about them.

This is the ripping away of the old to make room for the new. Here we surrender our baby dreams. It is unfortunate that it will cost us so dearly, but to enter into the resting place we must have every hindrance and distraction stripped away. This is our own doing, but all lost dreams can be reborn in time.

We can do nothing else because we know so little- we are still just babies. We repeatedly try the same thing again and again, always expecting a different result. This is insanity. We are ignorant of how our behavior is exhausting and defeating to those who try to help us. We are caught up in ethereal visions that don’t translate well in our present condition or our current environment. Our castles are all upon the sand, and the storm is corroding the beach.

⁹ Soon Joseph had another dream, and again he told his brothers about it. “Listen, I have had another dream,” he said. “The sun, moon, and eleven stars bowed low before me!”

Even now, when warning signs are all around us, we do not have the eyes to see or the ears to hear. Childlike innocence is our folly- stupidity is our sin. We keep talking, speaking death to our current destiny and setting the course for an entirely new trajectory.

God is doing something new.

¹⁰ This time he told the dream to his father as well as to his brothers, but his father scolded him. “What kind of dream is that?” he asked. “Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow to the ground before you?”

This is what we have been made for- to dream ridiculous and impossible dreams, to surrender our babies to Him and trust the outcome. But most people cannot understand, and we ourselves do not understand.

There is a Higher Power at work within us, doing things that don’t make sense.

¹¹ But while his brothers were jealous of Joseph, his father wondered what the dreams meant.

Once in a while we will at least find someone who can glimpse a bit of the hope and promise that is prophesied within our offensive words. We are lucky to find a friend who listens and asks curious questions, someone who senses a divine potential in our unfolding story. Our prophetic ramblings are noticed by a few, and the universe nods in recognition, acknowledging this truth from afar.

Our prophetic words will be honored in due time. Our baby will be raised up. Yet this moment of deep-seeded interest cannot last for long because the story must continue on into the hard place.

¹² Soon after this, Joseph’s brothers went to pasture their father’s flocks at Shechem. ¹³ When they had been gone for some time, Jacob said to Joseph, “Your brothers are pasturing the sheep at Shechem. Get ready, and I will send you to them.”

“I’m ready to go,” Joseph replied.

¹⁴ “Go and see how your brothers and the flocks are getting along,” Jacob said. “Then come back and bring me a report.” So Jacob sent him on his way, and Joseph traveled to Shechem from their home in the valley of Hebron.

My brother and I walk unknowingly into a nightmare of sorts, the kind that makes our dreams of victory seem so far removed from reality. We are only babies, but we will soon learn and grow.

Yet there is a Man who is writing our story, and He shows up on the scene, right before we fall headlong into disaster. He is the protector of children in stormy weather.

¹⁵ When he arrived there, a man from the area noticed him wandering around the countryside. “What are you looking for?” he asked.

Our Redeemer, of course. The composer of stories, the writer of symphonies, the dream catcher, the Father of broken children. He keeps our journey on course, because the hard place must be reached in order for our transformation to begin. He points us in the right direction.

¹⁶ “I’m looking for my brothers,” Joseph replied. “Do you know where they are pasturing their sheep?” 

¹⁷ “Yes,” the man told him. “They have moved on from here, but I heard them say, ‘Let’s go on to Dothan.’” So Joseph followed his brothers to Dothan and found them there.

As we round the last bend, we come upon a scene that looks innocent and inviting. But remember that we carry much emotional immaturity, and we cannot rely on our own perception to perceive the truth. Reality will rear its’ ugly head and bring our ignorance and stupidity crashing down on our very heads like a giant wave from the sea.

¹⁸ When Joseph’s brothers saw him coming, they recognized him in the distance. As he approached, they made plans to kill him. ¹⁹ “Here comes the dreamer!” they said. ²⁰ “Come on, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns. We can tell our father, ‘A wild animal has eaten him.’ Then we’ll see what becomes of his dreams!”

The world hates dreams- it wants to crush them. Especially the dreams that don’t fit into nicely formed communities or well established religions. Because dreams can be nasty things, unexpected and offensive. They are made of foreign stars, full of hope and light and promise. And to shed this light on the darkness of others, well it blinds their eyes and exposes their failures. In a world driven by religion and propriety, dreams are a threat. 

Dreams make people angry sometimes, especially those who have none or have lost the ones they wanted.

²¹ But when Reuben heard of their scheme, he came to Joseph’s rescue. “Let’s not kill him,” he said. ²² “Why should we shed any blood? Let’s just throw him into this empty cistern here in the wilderness. Then he’ll die without our laying a hand on him.” Reuben was secretly planning to rescue Joseph and return him to his father.

Yes, thank God for that one friend who understands and wants to be there for us. God bless that precious human being who will stand up for us in some small way. But our dreams are too big to be contained, and the push-back is too great to overcome with well-meaning intent. Nobody can talk their way out of this one. Nobody can save us from this.

We are stripped of our childhood folly and childlike innocence- this is the storm of reckoning. Our childlike dreaming is in need of rescue.

²³ So when Joseph arrived, his brothers ripped off the beautiful robe he was wearing. ²⁴ Then they grabbed him and threw him into the cistern. Now the cistern was empty; there was no water in it. ²⁵ Then, just as they were sitting down to eat, they looked up and saw a caravan of camels in the distance coming toward them. It was a group of Ishmaelite traders taking a load of gum, balm, and aromatic resin from Gilead down to Egypt.

We are stripped of everything that gets in the way of our dream becoming wise. This is the dark pit of forced rest. Any potential hindrance to our complete victory is taken from us. And we are thrown into the crucible, the place of refinement. This can be a dry well in the desert, the shade of a broom tree in the wilderness, a prision or a pew or a soft pillow on the floor in the sunlight, but it’s all the same.

It’s the resting place, where we are forced to evaluate our dreams from a place of solitude and silence, devoid of all human understanding.

And so we wait for our transformation like a caterpillar anticipating the destruction of all things within itself inside the dark, confining chrysalis.

²⁶ Judah said to his brothers, “What will we gain by killing our brother? We’d have to cover up the crime.^[c] 27 Instead of hurting him, let’s sell him to those Ishmaelite traders. After all, he is our brother—our own flesh and blood!” And his brothers agreed. ²⁸ So when the Ishmaelites, who were Midianite traders, came by, Joseph’s brothers pulled him out of the cistern and sold him to them for twenty pieces^[d] of silver. And the traders took him to Egypt.

Here we go now! The storm has begun. We don’t know it but God is doing something new. All this pain and sorrow is only the beginning of a beautiful adventure. There will be so many setbacks and detours, but they will all be necessary to make us into who we are becoming. We are carried away on the back of destiny, a slave to uncertainty but certain to succeed.

Our story is unfolding and it feels unreal, like a nightmare.

But we are not forgotten- God always leaves a remnant.

Thank God for that one friend who sees and cares.

²⁹ Some time later, Reuben returned to get Joseph out of the cistern. When he discovered that Joseph was missing, he tore his clothes in grief. ³⁰ Then he went back to his brothers and lamented, “The boy is gone! What will I do now?”

There are those we leave behind who truly appreciate our worth- these are rare friends who you should shower with gratitude whenever you can. Hold onto them. These are the people who will be Jesus to you in a harsh and critical world. These are the kind ones who step out from the depths of legalism and religion and show us how to rise above. We will see this friend again, after our transformation is complete and His plan comes to fruition and our baby dreams have matured.

But for now we say goodbye and turn our faces into the wind.

³¹ Then the brothers killed a young goat and dipped Joseph’s robe in its blood. ³² They sent the beautiful robe to their father with this message: “Look at what we found. Doesn’t this robe belong to your son?”

Growth requires grief- the dream will cost because of our foolish ignorance. Others pay the price, too, and mourn what must be lost to the violence of the sea. Our dreaming will mean the dashing of pride against the rocks. Some good people will be hurt in the storm of our emotions, because in times like this you hurt the people who are closest to you.

³³ Their father recognized it immediately. “Yes,” he said, “it is my son’s robe. A wild animal must have eaten him. Joseph has clearly been torn to pieces!” ³⁴ Then Jacob tore his clothes and dressed himself in burlap. He mourned deeply for his son for a long time. ³⁵ His family all tried to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “I will go to my grave^[e]mourning for my son,” he would say, and then he would weep.

Oh and the damage we have left behind, it is insurmountable. Only the blood of Christ can clean up this mess. There is much to regret, even as we walk steadily away, footprints in the sand. Through our own foolishness we have brought offense upon our head and wounded the hearts of those who loved us.  In the violence of our own storm we will lose our baby dreams to the wind.

It is certainly complicated; this impossible weaving of dreams is the union of pain and promise, hope and fear, regret and certainty, storms and peace.

Such a mess we leave behind- the damage will last for years to come.

God is doing something new.

But there is not time for mourning now, it’s time to follow Joseph up out of this pit of dark solitude and on through the desert to the place of destiny.

³⁶ Meanwhile, the Midianite traders^[f] arrived in Egypt, where they sold Joseph to Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh, the king of Egypt. Potiphar was captain of the palace guard.

It’s time to let go, it’s time to move forward. I am called to embark on a new journey- it’s time to walk with Joseph. It’s time to choose a new future.

It’s time for new dreams.

We start by resting and making room, saving space for the Spirit to move.

And depression is God’s gift to the body when it’s time to slow down. No, not the clinical kind that needs medical attention and medication- that’s a different thing entirely. I mean the semi-depressed state you enter after the adrenaline of your epic success or astronomical failure wears off. Sometimes the adrenaline can run for months and months, and then one day the smallest unexpected bit of finality brings the let-down which lays you low. And this is the blessing- the body does not trust the judgement of the mind, so it imposes rest upon it. Here in this place of couches, beds, pillows, blankets, floors,  park benches, pews, silent sanctuaries, empty rooms and kitchen chairs there is a whole new world of opportunity- this is the place of dreams.

During a time like this my ancestors in Scripture sometimes run into the wilderness and sit down under broom trees, praying for the end to come and sleeping for days on end while angels minister to their hungry emptiness.

As for me, I find a spot on the carpet where the sun shines through the window and makes a large checker-square of light on the floor. I sit down on my knees, becoming so small, lower my head and pull my dark green prayer shawl over myself. The warmth is a nurturing embrace, welcoming me into the soft rays of peace and rest. The adrenaline of strife has drained away- this is the resting place.

Angels minister to my needs as I glow there under the light.

This is the place where new dreaming takes place, here in the warm embrace of the Son.

And indeed, God has given me a dream this week which has shaken the foundations of my expectations. This dream reminded me that my past keeps me humble, but never disqualified. I get to choose how God sees me now- as a broken victim or a redeemed and honored child of the King.

Because sometimes eternal promise looks like a bad dream which is actually the generous and loving intention of the universe.

A new dream can help the mind bring closure to an otherwise impossible reality.

I have stepped into Genesis 37 now, and I too have been given a new dream to hold onto, because God is drawing near to me during my time of healing...

We had pinpointed a safe harbor for my new classroom- I was a teacher of the Scriptures and I had found a new place to belong. A foundation upon which to build a ministry of peace and reconciliation.

And just as we come around the bind, right when the new location moved out of sight, I saw a tiny home all by itself on the other side of the jetty, on the exposed side of the beach. It was being pounded by waves and appeared to be severely endangered by the storm. I watched it as long as I could, enraptured. Because inside the window I saw a Man writing something at the kitchen table, totally engrossed in His work, unconcerned and unaffected by the chaos all around Him. I did not see the expression on His face as He was looking down, but I wondered at his concentration as He wrote. And I recognize the baby in the highchair next to him.

I have seen this baby in other dreams, ones which came to me at the beginning of my long hard road to victory. Yes, I know this baby. It used to be my dream for leadership, the calling of my heart for ministry and connection, and I thought it was lost to me in nightmares long past. It was the child of my desire for serving the church, born in another lifetime. I held this baby when I wore a coat of many colors, like my bother Joseph. I held this baby while I destined my fate, speaking words of foolishness.

Dear Joseph, our fate was foretold in our childlike ignorance.

And as my guardian angels drove me out of the storm and into new vision, I saw this baby, this child of my hopes and dreams, in the care of Another, protected from the wind and waves even as they crashed against the frail and threatened home where the Man was busy writing. The baby did not cry- this is the first time I have seen this baby without tears. For the first time my hopes and dreams do not feel dashed.

 And I myself did not cry- instead I felt certain that the Man would know when it was the right time to leave, and He would take the baby with Himself to a safer place. I watch the window disappear out of sight with a strange confidence that all would be well.

My dreams are in Safe Hands.

And I turned my thoughts to the work still ahead of me- that place of ministry which I would build with the help of my divine guardians on a piece of beach protected from the storm of swirling emotions. This was the beginning of a new kind of kingdom, one that had both hard work and high risk and great reward. A foundation full of hard-earned wisdom.

Such are the dreams of my ancestors, too, the ones who took the long hard road through the storm towards victory, entrusting the safety and care of their precious things to the One who wrote their story, holding fast to peace in the midst of the turmoil.

Reader, be warned, these are the kind of dreams that clear the way for uncharted territory. They get down into the parts of you that you didn’t know were there. And be warned, these are the kind of dreams that require surrender and submission to refinement. They require emotional storms and broken hearts and great turmoil. You will need to surrender your baby dreams to the One who can mature them.

We rest now because we will soon be working hard in the toil of transformation. These dreams will leave the sleeper forever changed. This pit of despair is the waiting place for the renewal of all things.

Sometimes a dream will fall into your inbox quite by accident- but really, this is Providence. And other times, dreams will follow you into your sleep quite intentionally- because God is doing something new, and because you are following an ancestral brother who is a dreamer of dangerous aspirations.

I myself am no better than my ancestors- I dream threatening dreams full of foreboding joy, ones which require the shedding of past loves and the pursuit of offensive transformation. Ones which build solid foundations right over the sand, sturdy enough to withstand storms. Ones which require the entrusting of our childlike hopes and desires to the Man who is unaffected by the storm.

This is the way of Kingdom victory.

This is choosing a new future.

Dear tiny tribe of readers, know that this journey I am taking through Scripture is a consolation when the adrenaline wears away. Writing my way through a heritage of broken hearts has been a gift and a grace. I am looking forward to journeying with my brother Joseph as we travel the road of transformation together. There are so many defining moments that are haunted with prophesy and glittering with promise. This is the reality of our childlike dreams.

I hope you will join me here again, my friend, as we continue to fall in line with our ancestors in Scripture in order better understand the inner workings of our own restless souls.

May all beings be peaceful and happy, knowing that He composes your story with grace and peace even in the midst of your worst storm.

God is doing something new.

Amen and Amen.

~*~

With deepest gratitude

for my tiny tribe of readers-

Rebecca

To read Pearls and Presence, click here.

To read my story, click here.

Precious Stones and Holy Dreams- Genesis 28

Do you ever ask yourself what you will be doing a thousand years from now? For we are all eternal beings, every single one of us.

We all have a story to tell that never ends.

Some of you are blessed so that you can bless others. And some of us are broken so that we can receive.

Today I run with Jacob.

We are learning together that stones are precious things. 

In regards to the anointing of stones, I cannot speak for anyone except myself- and my brother Jacob. You are welcome to join us if you like. Our angels are here with us- you can bring yours, too.

Yet some may see these words I write and say, who is she to speak of holy things?

No, I am not qualified. I am just another girl with a blog. Or so I have heard.

But guess what? Dear World- call me whatever you want, the King calls me Beloved. I AM ENOUGH. (Dear readers, say that with me- it's true for you, too!)

So for those who are always fleeing and never arriving, perhaps you should stop and anoint the very next blessing that you lay your weary head to rest upon.

Anything can happen in this barren place. The desert is a blank slate for God to write the story of the world.

So it’s time for Selah- a divine pause.

Some people say 'stop to smell the flowers'. But what if there are none? 

Some of us are in a desert wilderness, with only dust and dirt and rocks.

We are running away from our regrets with no destination in mind, much too busy to stop and dream or pause to anoint the stones. We run with our tears and our holy oil, clutching stolen promises to our hearts, but we have no idea what to do with them.

And we trip over rocks because we believe God logically, but emotionally we are fleeing blindly. When it comes down to our stony broken hearts, fear has become the justification for control.

We grab our blessing from Him and run like hell.

Problem is, there are angels in this place, within this wilderness, who follow after us and redeem us when we finally stop to rest. These angel guides are anointing our hard hearts with holy hope.

I can’t feel Him, I don’t see them, but when I close my eyes there is a knowing.

It’s the kind of ancient wisdom that you carry not in your head, because it does not live there, but deep in the recesses of your soul.

He is here- they are all here, looking over my shoulder as I write these words.

Hello, my angel guides. I welcome all of you.  Read my story with me.

But first you should know, dear reader, that sometimes I hold the Bible to my heart when I meditate, to join with the broken ones in Scripture who are also striving to produce something good.

Because Jacob and I, we believe a lie in our broken depths, the lie that we are only as good as what we present to the world.  We forget that we are most like our Creator when we are creating, not running.

Perhaps we are creating mosaics of sanctified stones in the desert of our hearts?

We forget that we are loved not because of what we produce, but because of who we are.

We are image bearers who have lost our shining softness. We have become hard as stone.

But God smiles down at us and says, “Be still, my child. It matters not what others say. I say that you are my creation. I say you are beloved. Stop running so I can anoint your stony heart.”

Instead of striving, always straining for more, what if we simply stopped and prayed?

But this is hard, because we are driven to either produce or consume the blessings of others. It’s the programming of our broken heritage.

God just wants us to lay down upon our heavy burdens, so that we can dream.

It’s time for Selah- a divine pause.

We cannot know how deeply we are loved until we stop running, lay still and close our eyes. Only then can we see.

And perhaps this small and insignificant gift of writing that I bring looks like nothing more than a plain, hard stone. Which it was, when I first lay my head down on it to recover. To rebel. To fight. To strive.

But this hard stone, it’s becoming sanctified.

And the angels are all watching in wonder. They gather around and glow with anticipation, pouring holy oil over the daily labor of these work-worn hands.

Did you know you have crowds of angels who follow you everywhere? They are your biggest fans.

They minister to you when you are sad, they celebrate with you when you are happy, they stand with you when you are brave. They follow fast behind you when you run. They anoint you when you become hard.

Jacob and I, we have known what it means to lay down and curl into a ball and try to become like a stone- cold, heavy, lifeless.

When you rightfully run from who you’ve been, without a doubt your demons will pursue. But you cannot stay, because what once served you is now becoming toxic.

What you once loved

is now contaminated with grief,

so it’s time to run away.

Thankfully, your angel guides are running, too.

They read with us here, leaning in closer to see Genesis 28:

⁵ So Isaac sent Jacob away.

This is how this chapter begins- with a hard farewell.

Jacob had a stolen gift- a blessing and a promise, a confiscated inheritance. He took off running with it, because it was not supposed to belong to him. He ran like his life depended on it- which it did. And he didn’t look back.

Jacob was running away from his brother, whom he hurt in order to be blessed.

This is what happened to our world when man rebelled against God- blessings became entangled with curses, fragments of good and bad all mixed together.

“God, what am I doing? Where am I going? What have I done?”

There are at least a few of us out here in the wilderness who ask this question. And I am not alone. I run alongside Jacob, that blessed thief who would someday return to be the leader of his people.

But first he had to cease striving, lay down and surrender to rest. He could not dream until he was completely still in body, mind and soul.

¹⁰ Meanwhile, Jacob left Beersheba and traveled toward Haran. ¹¹ At sundown he arrived at a good place to set up camp and stopped there for the night. Jacob found a stone to rest his head against and lay down to sleep. 

How weary do you have to be for a stone to feel comfortable? When your entire self-perception gets turned upside down, even a hard place looks inviting to the rampant mind.

Regret warps our judgement- rocks are mistaken for something soft and light. We turn to comfort from the wrong things.

But it’s OK, that’s normal, so God makes room for this mix-up, and his angels gather around to see what happens next.

And maybe we know

 exactly what we are running from,

 but are not sure

what we are running to.

I’m certain Jacob cried himself to sleep that night. Because when we finally stop running, our emotions catch up to us. That stone was covered with his tears.

Fear, regret, hope, desire. We run away from failure headlong into a dream.

As we lay down in the hard place, God reaches down to raise our thoughts higher, to rise above the sorrow.

¹² As Jacob slept, he dreamed of a stairway that reached from the earth up to heaven. And he saw the angels of God going up and down the stairway.

Ah, I told you there were angels here. Close your eyes and see for yourself.

Disturbing wonder is the catalyst

for spiritual awakening.

God saves His best revelations for our worst moments.

When our minds settle down onto rock bottom, God turns that hard place into a foundation for building a new dream in our heart.

13 At the top of the stairway stood the Lord, and he said, “I am the Lord, the God of your grandfather Abraham, and the God of your father, Isaac. The ground you are lying on belongs to you. I am giving it to you and your descendants.

The first thing we must do while we dream is to look up. Most people go through this life without ever looking up. Even in their dreams, their heads are down.

The hard ground we are quitting on, that is the place of revelation. Everything serves a dual purpose on this journey- it is both a physical act and a poetic metaphor.

And the duality is that our dream is about to become a reality, and the plain hard stones of our past are about to be sanctified and multiplied.

14 Your descendants will be as numerous as the dust of the earth! They will spread out in all directions—to the west and the east, to the north and the south. And all the families of the earth will be blessed through you and your descendants.

What do you dream when your head hits the pillow?

Do the desires of your heart look like victory for the entire world?

Raise your thoughts higher- look up.

There is abundance in this place.

The angels gather around you now as you read these words, enraptured with your response.

  ¹⁵ What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.”

Ah, but God, it is so hard to believe a promise that we don’t feel deep down in the depth of our being.

 

To believe something as great as that requires a releasing of the lies we comfort ourselves with, the stones that we pretend are pillows.

We are shedding something that is precious because we are growing up.

And as the sun rises, it dawns on us that the ones we are fleeing from are not our enemies at all, but wounded prisoners of war.

16 Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I wasn’t even aware of it!”

The first thing we must do before we even open our eyes in the morning is remember our dreams. The ones we have carried in our heart since we were small. If we do this, then when we look around we will be filled with awestruck wonder at the simplest of things- like stones.

And yet, seeing the promises of God is also a bit like looking at a tidal wave which is headed straight for you, right where you stand in the dry desert. His blessings can be daunting and overwhelming.

They will crash over you wave after wave, so it’s best to be prepared. Start small- simply admit you are standing on hard and holy ground.

Name that desert place of dreams- call it Divine.

¹⁷ But he was also afraid and said, “What an awesome place this is! It is none other than the house of God, the very gateway to heaven!”

We have suppressed our emotions for so long that the very rocks within us cry out to be sanctified.

All can be made holy if we allow it.

Remember that angels follow you everywhere, crowds of them, enraptured with your every dream.

How much does God love you- don’t you know? It’s a tidal wave of blessing.

Do not let emotions get in the way of this awakening, rather let them serve it. Seek to know that the Redeemer of stony hearts is the One who loves you forever and always into eternity.

18 The next morning Jacob got up very early. He took the stone he had rested his head against, and he set it upright as a memorial pillar. Then he poured olive oil over it.

What if everything we did in the next 24 hours was holy? What if every word and act and thought was sanctified today?

This is the moment for Selah- a divine pause.

Stop running and pick up a stone.

Anoint it, here and now.

Don’t hesitate.

If you don’t have holy oil, simply use your tears. It’s all the same, really.

 ¹⁹ He named that place Bethel (which means “house of God”).

And we will finally admit that rocks make terrible pillows because they bring no comfort at all. Those hard and heavy things we have grown used to, like fear and anger, anxiety and grief.

But when sanctified, these hard and heavy things can become holy relics of surrender.

We will forget our pain when our hands touch the sky in praise.

The house of God is built upon the hard cold stone inside of you, and the cracks in your walls of certainty let the light in.

It’s ok to admit that- the angels understand. They will ascend and descend upon all of it.

20 Then Jacob made this vow: “If God will indeed be with me and protect me on this journey, and if he will provide me with food and clothing,21 and if I return safely to my father’s home, then the Lord will certainly be my God.

And so we hope to return again to those wounded prisoners of war who we are fleeing from today. We hope to see these stones again. We trust God with the outcome.

What if we surrendered all the heavy things that weigh us down? What if the things in the margins were really the most important pieces to release?

If the hard stones of regret we lay our heads upon can become the foundation for our dreams, then perhaps there is not as much grief as we thought.

To surrender, simply anoint your past with honor and dignity, pouring recognition and compassion upon it. Then leave it behind you, to stand there as a testament of what you once were.

Keep walking, but leave the stones behind. They are all anointed- you can trust that they will be ok. That holy place will still be there when you return someday.

And you will return- although you don’t know when, because that is not part of the dream.

But for now, it’s best to leave the hard things. Bring only the dream which was built upon the bedrock of surrender.

Compartmentalize that which no longer serves you- sanctify the past and lay it down.

Move through the rest of your life trailing the angels of your dreams instead. 

Children remember dreams better than adults, so be childlike when you run to Him.

Now take a moment to say goodbye to the regret of the past. Say goodbye.

Here in the wilderness of meditation, find a stone and sanctify it. Dear reader, what is the stone of regret that you need to leave behind?

 ²² And this memorial pillar I have set up will become a place for worshiping God, and I will present to God a tenth of everything he gives me.”

The next thing to do is worship- this is the only way to survive now.

Worship like your life depends on it- because it does.

We are all spiritual beings in a physical temple, and worship is an act that brings unity to both sides of our composition, allowing them to work together for the same purpose.

Worship is the integrity of body, mind and soul.

And like Jacob, give at least ten percent of your thoughts to the dream in your heart- that’s a window of opportunity for your angels to gather around.

Be mindful of where you have come from, and never forget the lessons of the holy stones you left behind. Mindfulness brings balance.

The emotions should serve the spirit. Your vision should be supported by them.

Arise and go to Bethel- the house of God. This is not a church I speak of, but a community. A safe place to belong, where you can go to love and be loved, where you can anoint the stones of regret and leave them far behind.

Do you ever ask yourself what you will be doing a thousand years from now? For we are all eternal beings, every one of us. We all have a story to tell that never ends.

And when I read about Jacob I realize that All. The. Things. in our story can be holy.

Even the precious stones beneath our weary head.

The angels are waiting eagerly to see what happens next- they are the readers of your every word.  They are hangers-on of your every surrender.

Because Bethel is our city- our dreams belong in the House of God. Here the hard places beneath our heads will become holy and shining, a testament to our victory.

Yet who am I to speak of holy things? I am not qualified.

I am just another girl with a blog. Or so I have heard.

Call me whatever you want, because my King calls me Beloved. We are all His beloved- say it with me:

I AM ENOUGH.

Please realize that some of you are blessed so that you can bless others. And some of us are broken so that we can receive.

Today I run with Jacob.

We are learning together that stones are holy dreams.

If we are always fleeing and never arriving, we need to stop and anoint the very next blessing that we lay our heavy heads to rest upon.

It’s time for Selah- a divine pause.

And after I am done sanctifying my past,

I will walk away like my brother Jacob,

and I will dream like him, too.

Our angels are trailing close behind us, reading every word of our story.

Do you see them? They are here with us both. They are our biggest fans.

When I walk away from the hard place, I take a whole crowd of angels with me. They understand my victory- they applaud my courage. The stone I leave behind me is sanctified and waiting with honor for my return someday.

Dear reader, today I pray that you will find a moment to close your own eyes, rest your head and dream. And when you wake, anoint the heavy place in your heart and then set it down away from you. Leave your regret behind you for another day, because too much grief is toxic to your soul.

Feel how much lighter you are after surrendering the hard things- you can run so much faster.

Now go, move forward into the rest of your life, trailing the angels of your dreams behind you everywhere you go. Run towards the Creator, the Author of your story.

And may all beings be peaceful and happy.
Amen and amen.

~*~

With deepest gratitude 

for my tiny tribe of readers-

Rebecca

To read Pearls and Presence, click here.

To read my story, click here.