Intimacy- Luke 7:37

I resisted this blog for several days after knowing what I would write about. Who wants to talk about intimacy in a public forum?

Yet Here I am to take a walk among the idols of my life with Jesus. I don’t want to be here, but I made the brave and dangerous choice to enter into His calling. Faith done right will feel like a juxtaposition. Ambivilance is inevitable in the mental arena of the daily disciple.

Once upon a time I knelt at the feet of my idol and anointed perfume with complete humility and trust. I let my hair down and embraced my identity as the Luke 7:37 woman of the Bible.

I was vulnerable, I was honest, I was courageous. But I knelt in a posture of submission at the feet of a human being who I had wrongfully put in place of Christ. I had made an idol. I sought intimacy with an image-bearer instead of the Creator Himself.

I was bravely misled by my own choice to sin- I wanted to make people my refuge and my redemption. I wanted to craft human friendships into vessels of salvation. I entered into relationships with a desperation for healing and wholeness that caused me to offer up my soul on the wrong altar.

Who is the Luke 7:37 woman? Read with me here-

Luke 7:37-50 (NLT)

³⁷ When a certain immoral woman from that city heard he was eating there, she brought a beautiful alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume. ³⁸ Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them.

³⁹ When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. She’s a sinner!”

⁴⁰ Then Jesus answered his thoughts. “Simon,” he said to the Pharisee, “I have something to say to you.”

“Go ahead, Teacher,” Simon replied.

⁴¹ Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silver^[a]to one and 50 pieces to the other. ⁴² But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?”

⁴³ Simon answered, “I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.”

“That’s right,” Jesus said. ⁴⁴ Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. ⁴⁵ You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet. ⁴⁶ You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume.

⁴⁷ “I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” ⁴⁸ Then Jesus said to the woman, “Your sins are forgiven.”

⁴⁹ The men at the table said among themselves, “Who is this man, that he goes around forgiving sins?”

⁵⁰ And Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Who walks away from their most vulnerable moment with a sense of deep inner peace? Well if the idol you knelt before was less than the complete perfection of Jesus, you probably walked away with regrets.

If the idol you knelt before was Jesus Christ, then you walk away not only at peace, but made strong in the very midst of your weak human fragility. You walk away whole and humble at the same time, ready for true intimacy with others.

The Luke 7:37 woman of the gospels was given true peace as a result of her true intimacy with the only One who deserved her devotion- she brought her whole sinful self and was therefore granted the right to love and be loved despite the many idols of her abuse.

Intimacy with human beings is complicated and complex, full of potential pitfalls. It is directly tied to idolatry because of sin. This is because we are all made in the image of God, walking around in a broken system, and so we are all potential gods and goddesses of idolatry in our own right. We tempt one another with our great display of false perfection whenever we pretend that sin does not impair our judgement for relational intimacy.

As I read Deuteronomy this week, I see this human struggle with idolatry going on among God’s people from the beginning of the exodus from Egypt.

Deuteronomy 4:15-31  (NLT)

A Warning against Idolatry

¹⁵ “But be very careful! You did not see the Lord’s form on the day he spoke to you from the heart of the fire at Mount Sinai. ¹⁶ So do not corrupt yourselves by making an idol in any form—whether of a man or a woman, ¹⁷ an animal on the ground, a bird in the sky, ¹⁸ a small animal that scurries along the ground, or a fish in the deepest sea. ¹⁹ And when you look up into the sky and see the sun, moon, and stars—all the forces of heaven—don’t be seduced into worshiping them. The Lord your God gave them to all the peoples of the earth. ²⁰ Remember that the Lord rescued you from the iron-smelting furnace of Egypt in order to make you his very own people and his special possession, which is what you are today.

It is not your sin to be abused- to be helplessly mistreated by broken human beings. No, it is not your sin to be hurt. It is not your sin to become a victim of another’s neglect or cruelty. That is someone else's sin, not yours.

BUT it is your sin to allow this to distort our view of God. It is sin to allow humans to determine our worth in Jesus. It is a sin to project painful human failings onto the perfect God who loves you. The sins pushed upon us are not our fault- the pain which we allow to taint our trust in God, that is the piece of the suffering that you are responsible for. How have idols shaped your world view?

The idol of hate, vengance, fear, betrayal, unforgiveness, bitterness? Products of human brokenness. Not products of God's love. To cross these two is blasphemy. Of this I daily repent.

For this I must look back and take account for all the ways my idolatry of human opinion and praise marred my intimacy with Jesus.

To mistrust God is a sin, because His love for you is perfect. How have you allowed your idolatry of another human person become the downfall of your relationship to Christ? If you fully trust God, can that abusive relationship truly damages your core values?

How was my Luke 7:37 moment an act of sin? Because I allowed the failure of a human friend to cause me to pull back away from the love of Jesus in fear.

Who hurt me? People. Who did I hide from? God.

Oh, I also hid from people, too. Don’t get me wrong. But the bitterness, the denial, the rejection of forgiveness, these were all a mistrusting of God’s redemptive plan for my life. By rebelling against reconciliation, I was revealing how much I truly mistrusted God’s ability to produce something new in the aftermath of human failure, both mine and theirs. By choosing anger and sometimes hate, I was choosing to take away the false idolatry of other humans into my own hands.

Since other people could not be my god, then I would be my own god and take shame and rage into my own hands. If I could not be intimate in relationship with people, I would not be intimate in relationship with anybody- this does include God, whether the victim of relational suffering realizes it or not.

How we treat image-bearers is how we treat the one who actually is the Image of Christ. Intimacy with people is only meant to be a reflection of our intimacy with Him, not a replacement.

A voice interrupts here and says, am I still talking about this after so long? Yes, because working out sanctification is a lifelong process that involves honesty, patience and the guidance of the Spirit. And today, He guides me here to talk about intimacy.

Idolatry of other human beings is what gives sin access to our hearts. Trusting human persons for the very real needs that only God should be trusted with- that is where intimacy gets damaged.

Are we in fact bent but not broken, or are we whole and healed in Jesus? I am currently wrestling with this myself. It seems to be a both/and situation, a duality and a very Jewish way of thinking.

In my counseling sessions I am currently going through Dr. Dan Allender’s companion workbook called The Wounded Heart. This week, we are working on shame. I wanted to share a piece of it with my readers here-

Answer these questions with me, and see if we have some humanity in common, you and I:

Q: Look back at the embarrassing moments and shameful truths you’ve been writing about. Which of them involves letting people determine your value and desirability? Which of them involves letting God determine those things?

A: Every incident of shame in my life involves trusting in people to take the place of God and expecting humans to validate my worth. I have rarely trusted God to define who I am. Even now, right now in this moment. This is why I am so often anxious.

Q: What signs do you see in your life that you have tried (and maybe succeeded) to deaden your longing for deep, satisfying involvement with others?

A: I let relationships fade away when I am hurt or let down. I use neglect or avoidance to create a safe distance between myself and others in order to avoid intimacy.

Q: What pain do you avoid by not longing for love?

A: When I keep a safe distance from intimacy, then I avoid the pain of being hurt again, I avoid making another mistake, and I avoid falling short of other’s expectations of me. When I hide, I can’t be wounded.

Q: Do you identify with the fear of abandonment? If so, what do you do because of that fear?

A: Yes, based on past experiences I certainly fear relational abandonment. I anticipate it and try to stay ahead of it at all times. I avoid intimacy because the distance keeps me feeling safe.

Q: As you look back over your answers, think about who you are trusting. To what or whom have you given the power to determine your desirability and worth?

A: People. Always people. I have place myself at the feet of human idols, ones who cannot provide the intimacy I need to be fulfilled, healed and whole. I have looked to people to be my God, and when they let me down I retreat into emotional isolation. People are my idols, and so I fear and avoid depth of relationship because intimacy is a threat when it is based on the broken human definition of love.

My friends, this is a tiny window into the thoughts I have been wrestling with this past week. God is doing a work in me, revealing the roots of my idolatry and communicating to my heart where true intimacy with Him could take me. Here has been my response to Him:

“Dear Father- I am tired of doing relationships my way, but I have no idea how to change. I sit here in the weeds of my mistakes and wait to be rescued. All my self-help efforts have failed. I realize that on my own, in my own stubborn pride to “do it myself”, all my attempts have amounted to a state of helpless and useless fear of intimacy. You are the healer of my body and the lover of my soul. I want to experience Your overwhelming presence every day, even when there is pain and sorrow. I know that my brain needs to be washed and reprogrammed so that I can experience true intimacy first with You, so that I can experience it secondly with others. Help me to differentiate between intimacy and efficiency- teach me to understand love from a healthy foundation of trusting first in You. In Jesus name, AMEN.”

Yes, idolatry is the opposite of intimacy. This is why God makes is very clear in His Word- no idols. Okay, God, we agree. No idols.

But we have idols. They are people. They are everywhere.

God warns us, not because He is jealous (although He is jealous for our faithful love) but because we are weak.

We are all weak. We are all bent by the weight of mishandled intimacy. We are all human. We are all burdening one another with the weight of idolatry.

When I knelt at the feet of another human being, I place the weight of my salvation upon the back of a fellow struggler. To idolatrize the thoughts, opinions and assumptions of someone other than God is to sin against the Creator and all humanity.

Our idolatry is breaking us down. Our lack of healthy intimacy is ripping relationships apart. We need Jesus at the center, here and now.

Certainly, I am not the only Luke 7:37 woman in this world- there are more than a few of us out there. Only most don’t say so, because it isn’t safe to do so.

Thankfully, God anticipates our tendency for making idols out of each other, and so He leaves this promise that comes in the aftermath of our sins:

²⁸ There, in a foreign land, you will worship idols made from wood and stone—gods that neither see nor hear nor eat nor smell. ²⁹ But from there you will search again for the Lord your God. And if you search for him with all your heart and soul, you will find him.

³⁰ “In the distant future, when you are suffering all these things, you will finally return to the Lord your God and listen to what he tells you. ³¹ For the Lord your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon you or destroy you or forget the solemn covenant he made with your ancestors.

Some of us want deep relationships but don’t want to do the daily work of building intimacy to get there. Some of us prefer to just hotwire intimacy or surrender to the breakdown of relationship and simply ride it out while it lasts. I have done both. Both are sin. Both require substantial emotional healing.

It is time to exchange idolatry for intimacy. Stop idolizing people and start knowing them- but do not attempt this until you place your worship in a safe place: upon the feet of Jesus.

We must intentionally work on intimacy with God every day. Our souls cannot be allowed to sleep. We must become emotionally invested in knowing Christ each day.

Are you brave like the Luke 7:37 woman of the Scriptures? Can you present your WHOLE self to Jesus, worshiping at His feet?

So begin to reserve the depths of your heart for Him, because He adores you deeply. Desire intimacy with Him so that you can experience it with others. Love the soul in another person in a way that reflects Jesus instead of replacing Him.

Even though our sins are many, the love of Jesus in us is even more. Intimacy with Him will always save us, and then we can continue to move forward in peace, together.

Victory is ours, brothers and sisters.

With Love,

Rebecca

~*~

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Freedom (You Are A Refugee)

If you are being completely honest, you are not relationally satisfied. The human soul roams the face of the earth hungry for intimacy and howling with pain at the moon.

 The soul is a refugee in the war of the human mind.

Today is the Fourth of July. You will see many people who care about you. But why is human love unfulfilling and aching with disappointment?

We were born with an expectation for desire to be met- because our soul wanders in a starving world, this desire seems impossible.

Honestly, we don’t want to do the daily labor of getting to know God in an intimate relationship. It seems logical and reasonable to connect with Him for specific concerns which fall outside of our normal capabilities- but to be in close loving relationship with Him every minute of every day? This seems exhausting and impossible.

We hardly know You, God. We don’t know if we want to know You- we are weary, disappointed, afraid.

Our souls are refugees wandering aimlessly on the face of a war-torn planet.

Yes, part of us loves You (our souls) but part of us does NOT (our body, our mind), and so we cannot achieve INTEGRITY. We don’t know how to bring unity to these fractured parts of our selves.

So we wait for You to bring FREEDOM on this Fourth of July, and every day after.

Our soul is the observer of the war in our minds- to love God or not? To accept freedom or live in the comfort of bondage?

This is breakthrough: We are ANGRY. Our souls are a raging sea.

We have a lot of PREJUDICE against God because we have projected the aftermath of our relational wars onto our view of Him. So God feels unsafe to the homeless soul.

But salvation will come at dawn, where the sunrise parts the waters. We wait. We howl.

The more honest you are with God, the closer He can come to you. Don’t hide any longer. Be brave- be seen.

Did you know your right brain has never had a voice until now?

The only pat of your being that loves and desires God is the right side of your brain- the part that writes and sings, reads and dreams. The left side (logic, reasoning, physical fact) does not desire God at all. This side only accepts His hep when it appears necessary and reasonable.

There is a lack of integrity in our desire for God- this is war.

This is why the left side of your brain lights up with sensation when you daydream about flying freely in the sky- because it was waking up to the reality of spiritual adventure and freedom. For just an instant it connected with the left side, and the power was incredible.

But fear put a stop to this- because there is war. This is how abuse has broken us in two.

Jesus, how do we integrate these two selves? The right side and the left?

You whisper Your answer through a tiny wind of cool air- through learning, experiential knowledge, a training of the left side that will bring it alongside with the right through the wisdom of the Teacher and the obedience of the student.

School will integrate the left with the right- it will put an end to this war. 

This is why we feel contempt inside of us- because our two halves are in opposition. We are at war with the two sides of our thinking, and so our soul wanders as a refugee in the wartorn places of our mind.

Jesus, meet us here at the front line of this battle, where the fighting is the worst.

God, You are our refuge. Our soul finds refuge in the arms of Jesus.

Our soul can observe the war inside from the safety of God’s loving care.

This is breakthrough. This is freedom.

The city of God is our place of refuge while we wait for integrity.

This is where we are safe with God, because we have all held contempt for ourselves and for each other- we have murdered in our hearts. This is war, and we are refugees.

So God provides Cities of Refuge-

Numbers 35 (NIV)

⁶ “Six of the towns you give the Levites will be cities of refuge, to which a person who has killed someone may flee. 

 ⁹ Then the Lord said to Moses: ¹⁰ “Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘When you cross the Jordan into Canaan, ¹¹ select some towns to be your cities of refuge, to which a person who has killed someone accidentally may flee. ¹² They will be places of refuge from the avenger, so that anyone accused of murder may not die before they stand trial before the assembly.¹³ These six towns you give will be your cities of refuge. ¹⁴ Give three on this side of the Jordan and three in Canaan as cities of refuge. ¹⁵ These six towns will be a place of refuge for Israelites and for foreigners residing among them, so that anyone who has killed another accidentally can flee there.

We need protection from the wages of our sins, safety in this warzone of contempt. Our soul is a refugee in Christ.

And God is the Triune Community who will set us free, because He will stand in our place to take the penalty for our hate.

²⁰ If anyone with malice aforethought shoves another or throws something at them intentionally so that they die ²¹ or if out of enmity one person hits another with their fist so that the other dies, that person is to be put to death; that person is a murderer. The avenger of blood shall put the murderer to death when they meet.

²² “‘But if without enmity someone suddenly pushes another or throws something at them unintentionally ²³ or, without seeing them, drops on them a stone heavy enough to kill them, and they die, then since that other person was not an enemy and no harm was intended, ²⁴ the assembly must judge between the accused and the avenger of blood according to these regulations. ²⁵ The assembly must protect the one accused of murder from the avenger of blood and send the accused back to the city of refuge to which they fled. The accused must stay there until the death of the high priest, who was anointed with the holy oil.

The Assembly of the Triune God will protect us, even when we have poured contempt on our own heads. Jesus clears the path for those who have added to the war their own malice, enmity, hate, revenge, unintentional neglect, unseeing abuse and death of relationship.

This is war- HE is our freedom and our refuge, for we are all wandering in a warzone of broken humanity, within our minds and in the external world of relationships.

Love is war. Our souls are wandering on a wartorn beach.

⁸ The accused must stay in the city of refuge until the death of the high priest; only after the death of the high priest may they return to their own property.

²⁹ “‘This is to have the force of law for you throughout the generations to come, wherever you live.

Do not wander from His city of refuge without the blood of Jesus, because without it you will be turned from a refugee into a prisioner of war. Do not attempt relationship with humanity without the protection of the Triune Community. 

Attempt love only from within His city of refuge.

Do not return home until You have fully accepted His forgiveness.

² “‘Do not accept a ransom for anyone who has fled to a city of refuge and so allow them to go back and live on their own land before the death of the high priest.

³³ “‘Do not pollute the land where you are. Bloodshed pollutes the land, and atonement cannot be made for the land on which blood has been shed, except by the blood of the one who shed it. ³⁴ Do not defile the land where you live and where I dwell, for I, the Lord, dwell among the Israelites.’”

This is the beginning of actual atonement theory, the true freedom and the highest human calling- to be transformed by the renewing of our MIND, so that healing Grace actively pours out from within and heals our land.

Our God is the Community who judges, the author of this story and our City of Refuge.

We are all refugees in this war-torn human country.

The Bible is the story of humanity attempting to regain the ground we lost in Genesis 3.

And so today, this is my prayer on the Fourth of July:

“Father, I have resisted intimacy with You. I have anger and stubborn pride- I am filled with contempt. I am a refugee in my own mind, a wandering beggar in the battle inside between left and right. I don’t want to pray, because I don’t know how to talk to You. There is war in the way. When I start to feel You I start to get angry, so I sit here in stubborn silence as the warplanes fly over my head. I don’t want to ask anything or say anything- I am full of resistant frustration. I only feel close to You when I lift my hands and sing within the community of my broken brothers and sisters in the war-torn country. I know that my attachment style of relating to others is unhealthy and driven by self-protection and fear. I am helpless to fix the damage I have done, nor can I change who I am. So I am an angry refugee, wandering and howling at the moon. Jesus, cross the boundaries. Come in Father. Jesus, climb my walls, break into my heard heart. I am lost and lonely without You- my heart is guilty without Your refuge. Come into the left side of this internal war and create integrity, a home for my soul. Amen.”

 

Take courage, my friends.

This Fourth of July is only a tiny taste of the true freedom that is coming very soon.

Take refuge in Him.

Peace be with you today.

Rebecca

~*~

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