VOX Domini {Scattered Servants} - Psalm 23

The sheep have scattered.

We are scattered servants.

Dear broken church- Wherever you go from here, know that safety comes from inside you. Carry it like a sacred treasure in your soul. Enter the world with awareness of the gifts you have inside. These gifts are the Voice of God to a broken world.

We sojourn in safe places, but we do not live there.

Vox Domini oves suas in novalibus pasturis.

The voice of God calls His sheep into new pastures.

We are all now scattered servants.

Pain is a teacher, a broken heart is a latent gift, and revival is a blessing that rises up from ashes.

Who will lead us from here?

Psalm 23.

The Lord is my shepherd;

I have followed broken men and women, which led me to my own self-destruction. My vice propensity is to follow these people still, or ones just like them. But the Lord continually invites me to follow only Him, here in this world of broken hearts and counterfeits.

I have all that I need.

I look all about me for safety, love and belonging. I am beginning to discover the great secret- these things come from within. When I enter a room, do I seek to extract all I can from the people therein, or do I come to overflow with the gifts that are inside of me? When I enter a room, do I look for what I can grasp from these people, or do I consider how I can begin to overflow as I learn from them here in this place?

He lets me rest in green meadows;

There have been places of refuge, and He allows me this rest for a season. But they are always temporary, sometimes even fantasy. No matter how much I would like to stay, these safe places have come and gone. They serve a purpose for a needed time, and then God lovingly removes them from my story in order that I can carry on with the mission. It is time to get up from our prolonged rest in safe places and walk into the world into which we carry our sacred and untouchable gifts. Go out to your calling. Do not tarry any longer.

He leads me beside peaceful streams.

I have come to know that as I walk, I can come alongside others who are also headed where I want to go. I should not follow these people, but I can walk in step beside them. My judgement can mature- I can learn to identify those whom I want to journey with. Though the safe place is preferable, the moving waters bring change and renewal in ways that safety never could. To walk beside these people who have Living Water inside them is to surrender the past and open to the future. Water under the bridge is a gift for the thirsty traveler.

He renews my strength.

I could never get up and go on to new things without Divine intervention. Though I am not asked to go this journey on my own, I am asked to travel with nothing other than open hands and a soft heart. All else He will provide because He loves me. He is full of persuasive abundance.

He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to His name.

I am bent on my own chaotic destruction. In this I fully believe. I have known my own depravity. Which is why I need Christ to take the lead. As I decrease, so He increases, and my story becomes His glory. No step towards victory can be taken without His intervention.

Even when I walk through the darkest valley,

I will not be afraid,

for You are close beside me.

There have been low points. Places and people who were my refuge and my identity have been taken away. Safety has been denied to me by people who I wanted to be safe for me. I have known a stark kind of relational bigotry. But as the fear washed over me, so did Grace. And as always, His first words are “don’t be afraid, child.” Fear can be leveraged as fuel for love if we recognize it for what it is- a sign that you are stepping into reality and out of fantasy. A sign that breakthrough is coming in haste, if only we press on.

Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.

There has been discipline. My mistakes are legion. One cannot experience spiritual formation without seeing the brokenness of the self. I have come to recognize my false motives, my insecurities, my relational failures, my ongoing autonomy and my massive shortcomings. With the staff Jesus has smacked me into reality and with his rod he Has pulled me away from fantasy. The pain is great, but the reward is greater still. His discipline brings safety, which brings comfort, like a parent correcting the child for the sake of love.

You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies.

Because my King loves me, He vanquishes the works of my enemies.

Because He loves me, their authority has now come to an end. They will no longer abuse or neglect the sacred call to shepherd the flock.

My loving Father has called to account those who have blunderingly cut me with the mishandling of power in His name.

Yes, justice comes in due time, on His schedule and not mine. But Justice will not be leveraged as a weapon, where it then becomes fact but no longer Truth. The act of justice is reserved only for the Just King, never meant to be handled by those who follow Him. Thus I am often forced to obediently wait, against my will, for His justice to fall on the works of the unrighteous. But because He loves me, I am vindicated. And because He loves me, I am asked to dine with my enemies at the table of love and forgiveness. Thus communion is a surrender of pride and a leveling of motives. We all come ashamed and we all leave restored. My enemies are the beloved of Christ.

You honor me by anointing my head with oil.

There are experiences with Christ that cannot be captured with words. Thus I have learned to spend more time creating pieces of art in my journal and less time writing. When I am honored by the King is when I am open to seeing His beauty. If I can receive His love, He will immediately respond. But often this transaction happens without a single word. Creativity, beauty, art- the creation of honor is the pouring out of holy oil upon the open eyes and into the receptive mind.

My cup overflows with blessings.

Yes, His blessing falls on both the righteous and the unrighteous. But it can only overflow in abundance if it is multiplied by His Spirit. What are my gifts? I am learning. What are my blessings? They are the million different ways God has guided my steps on this journey. I am a sheep exposed out in open pasture, but the true Shepherd is ever beside me, pouring out His favor upon me and filling me with abundance in ways I often fail to appreciate at the time. I am learning to tune my ears to His voice so that I may hear Him call for me to drink deeply of His joy.

Drink deep of His love, scattered flock. You will need it for the journey ahead.

Surely your goodness and unfailing love

will pursue me all the days of my life,

To be pursued. This is a basic need of humanity. We ourselves do not purse love as we should. Instead we pursue temporal pleasures. We use each other, we coerce and manipulate in order to get our needs met.

We are desperate to reproduce safety around us because we don't know it comes from the Love within.

What if we lived as if love was pursuing us every day? What if we believed that goodness was chasing us down regardless of our location on the journey? Then we would not be afraid of what might be outside the four walls of our fears. Our frightened huddles would become a horizon of open courage and strength. The possibilities would be endless, if we believe goodness and love were in pursuit of our soul. We could go anywhere and be safe. We could belong in any place without changing the source of our identity.

We could scatter and serve the world.

And I will live in the house of the Lord forever.

The house of the Lord is sacred ground- both pain and blessing flow out from this place.

His house is everywhere, especially the unsafe places.

But to live there is to embrace the wholeness of this journey. I have learned that we burn brighter together. Here the Voice of God has special clarity.

On this part of the journey I have discovered a Vineyard.

A few of you have already found it too!

It came upon me quite suddenly, but with miraculous clarity. Unexpected but precisely timed. Where do I worship now? With people who are rising up from the ashes of a community that had a near-death experience, seeking to bless their city with the gifts inside them that remain untouched by the decay of the past. As they rise, I will learn from them. I sing with them as we rise up from loss- this is how I will continue to learn and grow in community. A struggling soul, like a struggling church, is ripe for the Spirit to respond, if only we would get on our knees, own our pride and enter into honest prayer.

The Lord is my shepherd and safety comes from within. So I can emerge out into the world to dine with my enemies in the presence of the King. These enemies are my beloved brothers and sisters. We dine together because I surrendered the justice to God, and He adopted us all in an act of radical love.

 No denomination, name, building or label will ever diminish that reality.

Dear broken church. The sheep have scattered. But wherever you go from here, know that safety comes from inside you. Carry it like a sacred treasure in your soul.

Vox Domini oves suas in novalibus pasturis.

The voice of God calls His sheep into new pastures.

Do not be afraid. The Shepherd is calling you. Bring your hurts and your doubts- those are gifts, too. Watch them become the tools for breakthrough.

Your identity remains unchanged, and your soul is eternally safe. Go into the world brave and free, because pain has been your teacher and Jesus is your Savior.

Run now like the wind, wild and free, and the Spirit will pursue you with the Voice of love.

Revival is coming, dear flock. 

But safety is already here, carried along inside of each one of you. It is the Voice of God.

We sojourn in safe places, but we do not live there.

You are safe from within, so venture out with your gifts.
Go as scattered servants into the world.

~Rebecca 

A Second Chance {Choose Your Future}- Genesis 40-41

The destruction was everywhere. It was a shocking war scene of epic loss. Tears fell down on mangled toys as we surveyed the damage and sifted through the losses.

During the night our German shepherd had decided to put her signature stamp on all they kids’ toys that were within her reach- there were many causalities. As we cleaned up the damage shred by shard, I told a joke about Paul’s words in Romans 7: “¹⁵ I don’t really understand myself, for I want to chew what is right, but I don’t chew it. Instead, I chew what I hate. ¹⁶ I know that what I am chewing is wrong”. When it comes to words in times of trouble, timing is everything.

It wasn’t a funny joke to my kids and it definitely didn’t get the dog off the hook. I held up the bag of mangled playthings and declared the threatening and very familiar “UH-OOOH!!” as I shook it in her direction. She slunk away, tail and head down in repentance, and spent the rest of the afternoon in the dog house while we held a funeral for all the innocent toys that lost their life that night. Then, to ease the onslaught of tears, we went to the toy store to buy a few new ones. We let them choose from within our parameters based on what needed to be replaced.

Clutching their new ambitions, filled with renewed happiness,  our children headed quickly to the checkout.

And the wait was long- horribly so.

The kids stood there in line with new toys in hands, eager to replace what was lost, urgent to move forward, impatient that paying the price meant waiting for half an hour in line. Why couldn’t we just walk up, shove money at them and go? This big-box toy store (which I won’t call by name but which everybody knows) had the longest and slowest line ever experienced on a Sunday afternoon. All my kids wanted to do was grab their new blessings and run home, but they had to wait for what seemed an eternity, clutching their desires in both hands and squirming in captivity within the boundaries of the line, wiggling impatiently under the security cameras.

My kids had to learn something simple that I am grappling with this week.

Blessing requires waiting. And it requires surrender to a higher plan.

God, sometimes I hate this lesson.

Waiting on God’s timing can seem eternal.

Yet we must pause and be quiet because surrender to freedom usually happens in captivity- the desert place of the unknown.

This week I am waiting for a phone call. Sit with me here as I ruminate. I wait for God’s promises to captivate.

This past Sunday, in addition to the destruction of toys, I heard a sermon at church which resonated in a profound way with the destruction in my past.

Pastor Rick talked about “choosing the right guide for my life”- namely, the Holy Spirit. The sermons in this place have always had impeccable timing with my journey ever since I first came here- this is the Spirit speaking. My new pastor got right to the heart of the issue for me:

“Wait for God’s perfect timing. God always gives His best to those who leave the choice to Him.”

Ugh. I feel that one deep down in my soul. Reveal it and heal it God. Amen.

And then another one-

“Pause and be quiet. You are most likely to hear the Holy Spirit when You are relaxed.”

Oh.

My head down, I slink away to the dog house in repentance to chew on my response.

What do you do when you realize that you are striving for control again? Well, admit you are in prison, for one thing. It could be a dog house, a dining room chair, a blog or a phone call- anything can hold you captive when you strive. My brother Joseph joins me here, where he has been waiting for deliverance for quite some time. He and I are both searching for peace and purpose here in the waiting place.

We long to choose our future.

We acknowledge our desperation.

We were just foolish children who said stupid things for attention. Our dreams were good, but our method was not- right dreams, wrong kingdom. It was all just a misunderstanding, but it landed us in captivity.

But we are not alone- God always leaves a remnant.

40 Some time later, Pharaoh’s chief cup-bearer and chief baker offended their royal master. ² Pharaoh became angry with these two officials, ³ and he put them in the prison where Joseph was, in the palace of the captain of the guard. ⁴ They remained in prison for quite some time, and the captain of the guard assigned them to Joseph, who looked after them.

So you have some semblance of authority here in this captivity?

That does not mean you are in control.

In this prison we connect with people who understand our pain. I suppose Joseph found a kind of comradery here, because even though they came from such different backgrounds, the prisoners’ stories intersected here in the similarity of shackles. They must have formed some kind of convenient friendship, the type based on sharing common prison walls.

When it’s time for hard truth, we turn to the ones who have witnessed our strife.

⁵ While they were in prison, Pharaoh’s cup-bearer and baker each had a dream one night, and each dream had its own meaning. ⁶ When Joseph saw them the next morning, he noticed that they both looked upset.⁷ “Why do you look so worried today?” he asked them.

⁸ And they replied, “We both had dreams last night, but no one can tell us what they mean.”

“Interpreting dreams is God’s business,” Joseph replied. “Go ahead and tell me your dreams.”

I wonder about Joseph’s confidence here. I would like to be so certain of my own dreams. How do I know when God is speaking? I search for meaning in Scripture because my brothers and sisters of the past speak to me through the pages of this ancient text.

Joseph, how did you hear God’s voice in the depth of your prison cell? 

Perhaps captivity is the birthplace of revelation. 

Indeed I’m sure it is.

I observe my brother in his divination with admiration and curiosity. God’s response to his trust was to give him an interpretation of an event and an impression of people. Joseph trusted God and he saw people- really saw them, including their brokenness.

Sometimes I see people, too. I have seen those who have hurt me, and their brokenness has been divinely revealed to me in visions and dreams of my own. God provides wisdom to those who wait, and He refines the visionary to prepare for the reception of the vision.

Sometimes God in His mercy will reveal the problem so He can heal it.

One man’s dream is another man’s deliverance.

¹² “This is what the dream means,” Joseph said. “¹³ Within three days Pharaoh will lift you up and restore you to your position as his chief cup-bearer. ¹⁴ And please remember me and do me a favor when things go well for you. Mention me to Pharaoh, so he might let me out of this place. ¹⁵ For I was kidnapped from my homeland, the land of the Hebrews, and now I’m here in prison, but I did nothing to deserve it.”

God, we do not deserve this. We stand there with desires in hand, eager to replace what was lost, urgent to move forward, impatient that paying the price meant waiting for half a lifetime and twice an eternity. Why can’t we just walk up, shove open hands at Him and receive?

Ah, but He is in the waiting. He communes with us there.

We are tired of our captivity. It’s time to surrender to freedom. We want to be free of what holds us back. We want to choose a new future.

He is in the waiting.

²⁰ Pharaoh’s birthday came three days later, and he prepared a banquet for all his officials and staff. He summoned^[a] his chief cup-bearer. ²³ Pharaoh’s chief cup-bearer, however, forgot all about Joseph, never giving him another thought.

Oh to feel forgotten. And by the people you shared captivity with! By the ones who promised to care.

To feel forgotten is to feel afraid.

But the Holy Spirit’s voice is never, ever fear-based. So when we are afraid that we are insignificant, that is a lie. But it is so easy to believe, alone here in this prison of emotion.

Once upon a time there was a strange, tall dark man who ruined everyone’s plans- his name was Father Time. Nobody knew where he came from, but everyone knew where he was going- forward, slow as a snail, fast as a tortoise, enslaving God’s children as he stooped low to make them small, pushing them into the ground with a heavy hand.

The waiting place can feel like an eternal captivity of useless rumination.

41 Two full years later…

God. Where are you?

The destruction was everywhere when this story began. It was a shocking war scene of epic loss. Tears fell on mangled dreams as we surveyed the damage.

Now Joseph and I wait here for that phone call. We jump at every ring. We wince at every text.

We wait for our calling.

Did you know I have a new church family now?

This is my victory, my blessing, my hope.

It is a church of second chances- it’s in the first letter of their name.

I will hold them to that.

“Don’t freak out over delays” said my pastor last Sunday.

Yes, I’m trying, Pastor Rick, I really am trying. Joseph and I have our good days and our bad days. Waiting for purpose and identity is a bit like waiting in a long and endless line for your dashed blessings to be replaced, striving and straining under the Son and avoiding the offense of joy.

Two years to be forgotten? God, it feels like forever and I have only been here for one. I hold Joseph’s hand and sit with him while we pray, feeling the endless longing that stretches on and on throughout each timeless day.

Meanwhile, as we wait, God is moving in our favor. We believe this as we clutch the broken pieces to our wounded hearts.

⁸ One morning Pharaoh was very disturbed by dreams. So he called for all the magicians and wise men of Egypt. When Pharaoh told them his dreams, not one of them could tell him what they meant.

God is working for us, there in places we have never been but are destined to be. He paves the way even while we mourn and grieve. This is how He will one day lift our countenance and give us peace.

⁹ Finally, the king’s chief cup-bearer spoke up. “Today I have been reminded of my failure,” he told Pharaoh. ¹⁰ “Some time ago, you were angry with the chief baker and me, and you imprisoned us in the palace of the captain of the guard. ¹¹ One night the chief baker and I each had a dream, and each dream had its own meaning. ¹² There was a young Hebrew man with us in the prison who was a slave of the captain of the guard. We told him our dreams, and he told us what each of our dreams meant. ¹³ And everything happened just as he had predicted. I was restored to my position as cup-bearer.”

Joseph, how blessed you are to be remembered for your gift! Ah, and the waiting makes it so much sweeter. We would never choose to wait, but we are so glad we did.

We are filled with longing to be remembered by those who have forgotten the comradery we once shared. We long to be restored to the light of the Son.

We long for our calling.

Sometimes freedom looks like a sudden changing of our future in one single instant. Sometimes freedom looks like that phone call you were waiting for from that place of second chances.

It’s time to choose our future.

¹⁴ Pharaoh sent for Joseph at once, and he was quickly brought from the prison. After he shaved and changed his clothes, he went in and stood before Pharaoh. ¹⁵ Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, “I had a dream last night, and no one here can tell me what it means. But I have heard that when you hear about a dream you can interpret it.”

The world goes silent with hushed expectation- they are all watching us now.

This is the opportunity for grace and honor. Our response becomes the turning point.

¹⁶ “It is beyond my power to do this,” Joseph replied. “But God can tell you what it means and set you at ease.”

¹⁷ So Pharaoh told Joseph his dream.

My brother, this is your moment to shine and be seen. Here it the moment when it becomes possible to choose our victory.

We are prepared because we have waited obediently for this moment for a lifetime.

We have been refined for such an unforeseen opportunity as this.

²⁵ Joseph responded, “Pharaoh’s dreams mean God is telling Pharaoh in advance what he is about to do.

All the hoping and longing, the years of captivity, it all comes down to an abundant torrent of persuasive words pouring forth from a heart refined by resignation, imprisonment and a long season of desert wandering.

And the words do come, because they have been provided by the Author of our story, inspired by pain and lifted up in full surrender to Him.

We surrender to our divinity.

We speak what we have seen- God gives visions to his captive children in order to set them free.

²⁸ “This will happen just as I have described it, for God has revealed to Pharaoh in advance what he is about to do. ²⁹ There will be seven years of famine so great that all the prosperity will be forgotten in Egypt. Famine will destroy the land. ³¹ This famine will be so severe that even the memory of the good years will be erased. ³² These events have been decreed by God, and he will soon make them happen.”

Without knowing, these words will pave the way for victory and mark the road to freedom. We foretell our future through the fortune of our innocence.

Our words have been prophetic in ways we never knew- this is God’s magic and His wise counsel to our soul.

³³ “Therefore, Pharaoh should find an intelligent and wise man and put him in charge of the entire land of Egypt. ³⁶ That way there will be enough to eat when the seven years of famine come to the land of Egypt. Otherwise this famine will destroy the land.”

My brother had no idea that his abundant outpouring of words would foretell not only the fate of the kingdom, but his own victory. We did not know that our abundant persuasion would reveal new visions.

By his own words of fortune, Joseph chose his future.

After a lifetime of servitude to captivity, his words are blessed by God to set him in a position far above his wildest dreams.

This is the place of second chances.

³⁷ Joseph’s suggestions were well received by Pharaoh and his officials.³⁸ So Pharaoh asked his officials, “Can we find anyone else like this man so obviously filled with the spirit of God?” ³⁹ Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, “Since God has revealed the meaning of the dreams to you, clearly no one else is as intelligent or wise as you are. ⁴⁰ You will be in charge of my court, and all my people will take orders from you. Only I, sitting on my throne, will have a rank higher than yours.”

This is the breakthrough.

Joseph was once the ignorant kid who said stupid things to his brothers because of his emotional immaturity and ridiculous dreams. And after 20 years of hard-earned wisdom and reconditioning, this is the moment when all the suffering begins to make sense.

My brother and I will bloom where we are planted, here is this desert of captivity.

Who are we becoming? Are we choosing a lifetime of scarcity and bitterness, or a lifestyle of grace and trust in the promises of our King?

This is when the pain of the past bears the fruit of the future.

⁴¹ Pharaoh said to Joseph, “I hereby put you in charge of the entire land of Egypt.” ⁴² Then Pharaoh removed his signet ring from his hand and placed it on Joseph’s finger. He dressed him in fine linen clothing and hung a gold chain around his neck. ⁴³ Then he had Joseph ride in the chariot reserved for his second-in-command. And wherever Joseph went, the command was shouted, “Kneel down!” So Pharaoh put Joseph in charge of all Egypt. ⁴⁴ And Pharaoh said to him, “I am Pharaoh, but no one will lift a hand or foot in the entire land of Egypt without your approval.” ⁴⁶ He was thirty years old when he began serving in the court of Pharaoh, the king of Egypt.

It didn’t have to be this way, but here we are, my brother and I.

All things can be redeemed in time, if we can endure the waiting place. We can choose to wait, we can choose to trust, we can choose to prophesy. We can choose our future.

But we must wait for God’s perfect timing.

We have continued to do the right thing, even when it produced the wrong results. We have bloomed where we were planted. We did more than we were asked, better than was expected. We changed what we could, we embraced what we could not.

We dwelt in our captivity with stubborn dignity.

Here we find ourselves with the chance to try again.

⁵⁰ During this time, before the first of the famine years, two sons were born to Joseph and his wife, Asenath, the daughter of Potiphera, the priest of On. ⁵¹ Joseph named his older son Manasseh, for he said, “God has made me forget all my troubles and everyone in my father’s family.” ⁵² Joseph named his second son Ephraim, for he said, “God has made me fruitful in this land of my grief.”

Our healing came in an instant, like the coming of the dawn.

Because where God leads God provides.

Tears fell on open hands and bended knees as Joseph rescued Egypt from famine.

He bent low to bless the ones who once tread on his dreams.

And when the people cried out to Pharaoh for food, he told them, “Go to Joseph, and do whatever he tells you.”  ⁵⁷ And people from all around came to Egypt to buy grain from Joseph because the famine was severe throughout the world.

My kids had to learn something simple that I am grappling with this week.

Blessing requires waiting.

God, this is so hard.

“Don’t freak out over delays” said my pastor last Sunday.

Did you know I have a new church family now? This is my victory, my blessing, my hope.

This is a church of second chances- it’s the first letter of their name. I will hold them to it.

I waited an eternity and a lifetime and have been prepared for this opportunity.

Yes, we must pause and be quiet, because surrender to freedom usually happens in captivity- the captivity of the unknown.

So this week I am waiting for a phone call. Sit with me here as I wait for the words I need to hear.

And God speaks in the quiet while I pray on bended knee:

“My Daughter, I not only see you in every moment of every day, I am with you in all of it. You are never alone. I want to help you accept and receive love from me in such a great abundance that it gives you the power to become who you already are in your soul. I have chosen a future for you that is as great and beautiful as your brother Joseph. I know how you have been hurt and how you have hurt yourself and others. I cover all of it with grace and redeem every tear. I can repurpose each piece of shame and grief and use it for my glory and your honor. I have all the time in the world to sit beside you and listen to your story. Tell me all of it and I will help you write the next chapter. I love you. You are my dearest beloved. You are mine.”

Last Sunday, in addition to the destruction of toys, I heard a sermon at church which resonated in a profound way with my place along the journey.

Pastor Rick said, “Wait for God’s perfect timing. God always gives his best to those who leave the choice to Him.”

But God, I want to choose my future now.

“Pause and be quiet. You are most likely to hear the Holy Spirit when You are relaxed.”

Pastor Rick, God knows this is hard for me. So keep preaching it, brother. You are my new pastor, now, so keep preaching the hard things. I’m listening.

After the service, I slunk away to blog in repentance.

What do you do when you realize that you are striving for control? Well, admit you are in prison, for one thing. This could be a dog house, a dining room chair, a blog or a phone call- anything can hold you captive when you strive.

My brother Joseph joins me here, where he has been waiting for deliverance for quite some time. He and I are both searching for peace and purpose here in the waiting place. We are waiting to be called.

As my ancestors in Scripture have chosen their futures, so I am preparing to choose mine.

He is in the waiting. He is our second chance.

His Kingdom is our inheritance, our birthright and our future.

He is calling us out of captivity. Jesus is calling.

Jesus, thank you for a new church of second chances.

Amen and amen.

Rebecca

~*~

Support my work by following my page.

To read Pearls and Presence, click here.

To read my story, click here.